And Bob's your uncle

Okay, I admit that part of the reason I chose to come to New Zealand was because English is their first language. Medicine is hard enough to practice without having to throw a whole new language into the mix. What I didn't figure was that American English is not exactly the same as New Zealand English. Yes, there is the occasional Maori work thrown into the mix that complicates the communication with patients, but it's more the basic English that really gets me. Let me give you a little lesson in English, the New Zealand way...

Tea = Dinner. Do not make the mistake of showing up at someone's house having already eaten, thinking that all you'll actually get it the drink "tea". You then have to appear rude when refusing their feast because you're already full.

Smoker = morning break from work, not one who actually smokes. I can't tell you how many times I counseled patients about the dangers of smoking, when all they were doing was eating a mid-morning snack.

Gumboot = condom. I don't really want to know the explanation for this one. Yes, it is also the footwear for the industrial employee. You might imagine where I could get caught in a delicate situation on this one.

Wee = tiny. In fact I'm not sure the word tiny actually exists in common communication here. I got the biggest laugh when I sent a little stuffed kiwi to a friend, and the label actually read "wee kiwi".

Good on ya = ??? Even the natives couldn't explain this one to me. Loosely translated, I think it's "Good for you."

Ta = thank you. Although "cheers" can also mean "thank you", or "I'll talk to you later", or "That sounds good", or even just "okay". It's really a multipurpose sort of word.

Every day I add another word to the vocabulary. Today's word? Ute. I was talking with a friend this morning, and she kept going on about this "Ute" that she and her partner (ie common law husband) were going to buy. I kept nodding and listening. Finally I got the sense to ask what she was talking about. She said, "You know, the thing we were riding in when we went water skiing." Oh, the trailer for the boat. No the "utility" vehicle we were using to tow the boat.

Ah...and "there you have it".